On the Mend..

I am literally speechless after all that has been said and done in the past couple weeks. The response I got from my last post has been indescribable. Obviously I wasn't writing it for your sympathy or for your tears, it was mostly just a reflection of what I was going through and the need to express it. However, phone calls and emails and cards have been written and sent and shared with our little family and I have literally been overwhelmed. People who take the time to say a kind word, or do a good deed are truly God's angels. I consider it a tender mercy from the Lord that you are a part of my life, in a small or large way, you are now my dear friends. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. There are no words to adequately describe the feeling other than

immensely grateful,

and I hope you feel that.

Some of you have questioned about some of my beliefs, why I think and feel the way I do and how the Lord has played such a large part of my life. All of those questions can be answered

here.

The church has done so much for my life and is a great source of strength in times of need.

Since all of that has happened, life has most certainly moved forward, whether we've wanted it to or not! I really feel as though the Lord has helped me cope with all of this by keeping me busy. I've felt a bit foolish or dramatic to even be prolonging it, seeing as how had I never taken a pregnancy test I probably would have never even known I miscarried. That being said, it's been a blessing to move forward and not look back, knowing that in time all wounds are healed in this family.

A little bit ago, Chris surprised me and took our family on a little "day trip" to the town of Julian. I have been wanting to go here for almost a year and every day Chris has off I try to mention it to him, hoping he'll take notice that I literally can't sleep I want to go here so bad. Well, being the husband that he is-of COURSE he took notice.

He's perfect. duh.

SO he surprised me. Wouldn't tell me what we were doing or where we were going the entire day until I finally figured out that we were on the 5 south to San Diego and I blossomed inside. This was the same day I had taken my negative pregnancy test, after the positive one, so I was feeling a little "damp"-I don't know how else to explain it. Just...damp-ish.

So we traveled around the little town, ate some of the BEST apple berry cobbler with cinnamon icecream of all time, looked at cute shops, had some delish lunch, listened to ellie wail a few times in misery (not entirely sure what happened to her this day, but she really didn't like Julian) sang at the top of our lungs for her well-being, and well she was. We laughed, and ran, let our hair blow in the wind while the windows were rolled down and stared out into the open fields of no where land. I was in heaven, to say the least. Chris and I were playing some stupid game in the car, and I can't even remember what it was now that I look back, but we were dying laughing. I love that that is just what I remember... I'll always look back and remember how my stomach hurt with laughter on a day when my heart was hurting with tears.

We didn't end up taking a bag home. We thought it was weird that bag of mediocre apples cost $12-we just went for the experience.

All of these images are sooc, so don't judge. (well, most of them)

I love days like this one. Not a care in the world. Packed up our things and hit the road, listened to loud music, ate good food, danced in the wilderness, and picked some apples.

what more could a mama ask for?